Not Me Monday!

It's Not Me Monday time! Where I get to share all the things that did not happen in my week, all the things that I did not say or did not do.

Because I've got it together. And ALL of my ducks are in a row. But you already knew that.

Who completely laughed (very much out loud) when she saw a perfectly put-together, furry-vest wearing,  ice-skating mother try to do an eloquent spin at the ice rink and totally fall on her butt? NOT ME! I would never........

Who kept calling a friend's husband the wrong name, even after being corrected several times? At the bowling alley with friends, who kept calling someone J.R. even though she had been corrected by her husband AND by another firend, and told more than once that it was JUNIOR and not J.R.? I don't know, but it was NOT ME! That would be just a little embarassing......

Oh, and the other day at Publix, who was that woman who dropped her purse upside down when trying to nonchalantly just toss it into the cart? Who was that woman who stood there with her purse contents spilled in the entrance of the store- the woman who turned bright red when she noticed a pair of little boys size 3T Cars underwear laying on the floor of the grocery store for all to see? NOT ME!!!! But if it was me, I totally would NOT have snatched everything up and then rambled somewhat loudly about potty training a three-year-old to no one in particular, making an even bigger scene. If that HAD happened to me, I would have been way more graceful with the recovery.

You know that not a lot embarasses me, right? It takes a lot. So, if say, I was having a pretty serious conversation with my boss and Jack came running up, screaming "MOMMY WIPE MY BOOTYYYYYYY CAUSE I JUS POOPED!!!!!", I would not have stammered over my words and cut the conversation short. NOT ME!

-----and the grand finale, that happened about a month ago, but I didn't want to share because the woman in question would be so completely mortified!!!! but then said woman may have realized it's too funny not to tell and hopes you won't think she's just a terrible excuse for a parent---

NOT ME! NOT MY HUSBAND! NOT MY SON!!!

While PG-cuddling with my husband on our bed one afternoon, I remembered something I had to tell him. I sat up, with my rear sitting on his thighs, and he was laying down beneath me, listening to me. So I'm talking and my husband, who is always very mature and appropriate and aware, and, and....so my very mature and appropriate husband DID NOT try to be funny and bounce his hips up and down with me straddling his lap (before you ship us off to adult boarding school, we were FULLY CLOTHED), and since that DID NOT happen, there was no reason for me to laugh and tell him to cut it out. And you know what really DID NOT happen? My son sure as day DID NOT come around the corner into our room right at the moment, bust in the door, eyes growing as large as saucers, taking in all of this fully-clothed inappropriate cuddling (???) and shout out "MOMMY! You're riding Daddy like a HIPPITY HOP!!!"

Because, folks, if that HAD happened, I would have dropped dead right there on my husband.

I think I've shared enough for today.

not me monday! it's baaaaa-aaacckkkkk!!!

Guess what guys? Not Me Monday's are back!!! You can check out all of the funny Not Me's over HERE and read mine below to make you feel better about the little blips and mishaps that occur in your own lives. Cause I tell you what, it's good to know that I am not the only woman running around doing these things...or Not.

I did NOT do very sloooooooowwwwww laps around the grocery store last week on an unprecedented solo trip to pick up food. I was NOT smiling a big goofy grin and practically skipping behind my cart at the sheer joy of casually breezing through the store without any little people pulling at coupons, screeching about cereal, or insanely running down the stores aisles. And I did NOT, the very next night, ask my husband if he needed anything special, just so I could attempt a repeat of the same grocery store retreat.

I did NOT introduce myself to a friend's husband, saying "Hi xxxx, I'm Shannon, so good to finally meet you". I would NOT have said that because apparently, I had already met him- twice. "Yeah, good to see you Shannon, we met a couple times last year." And it WASN'T me who, with lack of anything better to say, muttered, "Oh yeah, that's right, your hair looks different." Um, I would NEVER have said something so ridiculous, because one, the guy was in the Navy and those hair cuts don't really change, and two, that implies that when meeting people, I only stare at hair. Oh gosh, Shannon.

Last spring, after playing with my glasses, Jack dropped them on the ground and stepped on them, crunching them to pieces. The idea of taking 4 kids to the eye doctor while I got an eye exam to update my prescription had my head reeling. But I don't let a little fear of 4 noisy children in a crowded quiet waiting room throw me off. So I promise it was NOT ME who went 7 months without wearing glasses, and who is now wearing glasses around the clock because of the damage done to her eyes during the time without them. Astigmatism AND Far sightedness....PEACHY!

Who makes yummy cake batter blondies at 11pm because just the thought of them caused a puddle of drool on the coffee table? NOT ME!! I just eat carrots and rice cakes whenever the urge for sweets strikes.

Who looked the other way when she saw her youngest daughter gnawing on her oldest daughter's toothbrush? NOT ME!! That is super ick. I would never allow my baby girl to swap germs with her sister for the pure sake of 15 minutes of peace and quiet.

Who keeps putting off bra shopping and is walking around wearing incorrectly sized brassieres that pinch and push? NOT ME!!! I would NEVER wear something that forced me to keep tucking the ladies back in every 20 minutes, just to escape the painstaking task of trying on correctly sized cups that might actually fit.

And what kind of grown woman would throw a hissy fit, stomp off in denial and scream CHEATER just because her totally uncoordinated, got-no-kinda-rhythym, uncomfortable-to-watch, awkward-dancing husband beat her at a Wii Just Dance competition! It sure in the heck was NOT ME!!!!

"who writes blog posts when she should be folding laundry and picking up around the house? not my mama!!" -everleigh nelson

For more Not Me's click on this fancy button!

Not ME!!! Monday!

It's been a while since I have shared all of the things I have haven't done during the course of wife and mommyhood. Some of you know MckMama, the blogger who started the whole Not ME! Monday carnival. Well, she stopped writing the Not ME! posts, but that doesn't mean we have to stop, too.

So, here I go, hopping back in the NOT ME saddle......

This past week, I felt particularly swamped with work. Wanting to make sure I got everything done in a timely manner, I dwindled my sleep down and wasn't going to bed until after 1am, sometimes closer to 2 am. Going on little sleep and feeling my head fizzle one brainwave at a time, I realized I better double check to make sure things were taken care of with my boss. So, I texted her to check on one particular task. I am a double triple quadruple spell-checker, so it was NOT ME who sent this misspelled and highly offensive text to the lady who signs my paycheck.

one for the dyac site!

We made a quick trip to Publix after a lot of running around on Saturday to get the stuff I needed to make PW's meatballs, which I talked about HERE. As soon as I loaded my two littles into the cart, I felt parched and needed a drink-- but not of water. Seriously, the desire for Dr. Pepper was primal. I headed to the fountain drink area in the deli and got a cup. Sure enough, Tyler, Kaiti, and Jack asked for one. I said no, but let them each have one sip of mine. Well, Jack REALLY liked my Dr. Pepper, and kept asking for more. Then he tried grabbing at it. So, I made the wise (hahaha) decision to put the soda in the basket so he would not be tempted. Can you guess what happened? One quick turn of the cart, and the Dr. Pepper went flying, full cup minus 5 sips, and spilled all over the dang aisle. Totally my fault. Embarrassed and frustrated, I scooted my kids out of the way and went to go tell an employee about the spill. An employee showed up with a mop, looking a little irritated, and said "It's alright. Kids spill drinks all the time." I assure you, I did NOT reply with "Yep, I will tell my kids to be more careful." Tyler was not amused. 

You know how it's winter? And cold? (Some people might not have known.......) Well, I always keep my children properly dressed, outside AND INSIDE. Not to mention, I always make sure we are fully clothed regardless of being in the home all day. So it was NOT ME!!! who let my little guy run around like this for hours....

he IS wearing a diaper.........around his knees :)

Have you ever had an impromptu photo shoot in your bathroom, in dim lighting, using the camera from your cell phone because your husband requested photos of YOU and not just the kids? Yeah, ME NEITHER!!!!

In an email to my husband, I told him how much I stink at housework the first week after he deploys. Well, now we are in the 2nd week of this deployment, and I am doing much better now. This is most certainly NOT MY couch!

just keepin' it real folks

I am all about the multi-tasking, so when I am breastfeeding Evie, I am usually doing something else.....like playing Words on my phone, emailing my husband, or overseeing schoolwork. A few days ago, Tyler left a book he was reading on the coffee table so I picked it up and read along. I found the material so unfunny and very childish. So it was NOT THIS MAMA who tiptoed who into her son's room to sneak the book out so I could finish reading where I left off.

I don't care who you are, that's funny ;)

By now y'all know how I am the most mature, most serious girl and that I have always been this way. (like when I shared with you about the comical gratification I got out of breaking my middle finger in 6th grade). So this should come as no surprise to you..... When I saw a middle-aged guy getting out of his convertible (because, you know, winter is the ideal time to drive around with your car's top down!) at Target, after he just revved his engine to get the coveted first spot, only to get out of his car, turn around and run smack dab into a shopping cart, I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants kept a totally straight face and hoped he did not hurt himself.

The End! Happy NOT ME!! Monday!!

Not Me Monday!!! (and also confirmation that we are alive and well)

We are alive and kicking in the Nelson home, in case you were wondering! I've been a little blog-quiet, and since y'all were flooding my inbox just beggin' me to write a post, I pulled up my boot straps and dusted off the ol' mac-top. Here I am. You're welcome!

Come to think of it, the whole flooding-my-inbox-beggin'-me-to-write thing could possibly be a sleep-deprived hallucination, I'm not really sure, but still- you're quite welcome ;)

We have been kept pretty busy with 3 children wanting to make the most of every splendid summer day, and a newborn that makes every trip quite the excursion.....and speaking of excursions, we seriously might need to get one of those bad boy's because our Expedition is barely enough room to pack our kids in with equipment.

Wait, what was I saying??? My thought process is one big string of tangents lately. I start telling Jeremiah that we need baby wipes, and before I finish the thought, we are discussing what Floridians did before the invention of the air conditioner, and debating if ice cream from an ice cream maker at home is really better than Cold Stone.

Okay, back to Not Me! I am focused. Ready to spill.....

I used to be a tried and true Huggies buyer. Then, child #3 arrived and my wonderful friend Carrie introduced me to Target diapers. I was hooked. They worked and they were loads cheaper than Huggies and Pampers. So, with Evie, we bought a few packs of Newborn diapers before her arrival. But the hospital had these new Pampers, with an awesome little stripe that turns BLUE when there is moisture (aka, pee). Really, I get how silly this is, because whenever you check a baby's diaper, it is almost always full of something, making the blue line sort of pointless. So, it was NOT me who was so wooed by this thin blue line that I loaded my cart with packages that cost $2 more than the Target brand we'd been using for almost 2 years.

On a day out last week, it was NOT THIS MAMA who started whimpering and crying when I realized that not only had I forgotten to pack the changing pad I keep in my diaper bag, but I was also fresh out of nursing pads. The tears did NOT start spilling  about the same time my milk did. So, it was NOT me who was walking around the Town Center, head down and cheeks red, with two rapidly spreading spots on the front of my shirt.

Like most of the east coast, it is BLAZING HOT here right now! Like super-duper, suck-your-energy-out, sweating-buckets kind of hot. But you know me- I'm super woman, and I don't let a little off the charts heat index change my plans or slow my family down. It sure WASN'T ME who listened as my kids asked me to go on a bike ride with them, only to wait for them to finish and say 'What about candy and a red box movie??' NOPE!! NOT ME! I would never encourage indulging in a little couch potato action over some good, healthy exercise.

I did NOT milk this c-section for all it was worth while my husband was home on leave. I certainly have NOT used it as an excuse to avoid: changing Jack's diapers ('he's too heavy too lift, honey....'), pick up the kids toys ('I really don't think I should be bending, babe'- said as I have my hand over my incision), and going outside to feed the cats (I don't think I offered an explanation for this one- I just walked away quickly as he was saying something about them being 'my' cats).

In the past week, I did NOT spend some time drafting up a post titled "WHY I WANT TO GIVE MY HUSBAND'S SQUADRON THE MIDDLE FINGER, by Shannon N.", but subsequently deleted it when I read it and realized it was in bad form.

We did some shopping in Target while my mother-in-law was still here with us. She had the big kids, Jeremiah and Jack were picking up diapers and wipes, and Evie and I were shopping for baby wash and other necessities. When I was all set, I walked over to the toy section (where my mother-in-law was spoiling the heck out of my children). I saw Tyler and walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. The boy all but jumped out of his skin, paused a moment and then breathed a sigh of relief. This is NOT what he said : 'Oh, that's you Mom! I didn't recognize you with your hair out of your clip.... I thought you were a stranger, cause your hair was down.'

Finally, today was  first day with my brood of 4 with no one else around to help me. My husband called me a couple hours ago to say that he had to fill in for someone and would be flying late-- after being at work since sunup. I am up to the task and strong as can be, so it was NOT ME who whimpered 'Okay, we'll be fine' into the phone, while silently giving myself a little pep talk and going over the local restaurants that deliver in my head!

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Now, some pictures:

sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters 

(for the 3 people who know what that means)

before my moby arrived.....LOVE my moby!

on the air mattress when we were fresh outta beds

sweet child o' mine

splash park at the zoo

see-- blazing hot!

her dance recital program- like a treasured possesion

we love grandma!!!

he be swingin'....

at fort clinch!!

grandpa meets grandchild #7

NOT ME! MONDAY.....My husband and baboons

Not Me!!! Monday, and boy does today feel like the perfect day to marvel in imperfection. I'm beat, feeling under the weather, and moping about the fact that my husband is flying late, which means it's a one-woman show. I wouldn't mind if he was only flying late tonight, but if he starts the week of with a late flight, because of rules regarding crew rest, that means that he will likely fly late the entire week. And as most of my mama friends know, later afternoons and evenings tend to be the witching hour with small kids. Okay, I'll stop wallowing for a bit and get on with it.

We went to the zoo on Friday morning and we were lucky enough to see the baboons having a wonderful time and making some incredible noises. You have to see this....

-- you're going to want to mute the music player at the bottom of the page for this--



After giggling for a good 20 minutes, I did NOT walk away muttering something ridiculously inappropriate-- 'Reminds me of daddy after he gets home from deployment.' *The kids did not hear me, but the man and woman standing next to me did, and gave me an interesting look as I pushed my stroller past them.

After picking Tyler up from school, I was walking into my room, and heard an interesting conversation between my son and daughter. I heard Kaiti say the word 'bra' so my ears perked up. Kaiti was telling Tyler at length that bras are only meant to be worn outside the house, which is why her mama takes her's off when she walks in the door. Tyler was disagreeing with her, and saying how you leave it on until bedtime, when you put your pajamas on. Miss Kaiti did NOT argue, 'No Tyler, bras are just for outside because we girls gotta protect our stuff from the wind, cause it blows so hard,  so girls are not supposed to wear a bra inside because there is no wind in here!!!' I did NOT start laughing quietly to myself in my room and decide to let that explanation stand for the time being. I also DID NOT start altering my routine just a bit so my daughter does not associate our arrival in the house with the removal of said brassiere.


After talking to Kaiti's teacher today about the end-of-school-year party planning we are doing, I was left feeling a little bit irritated with some of the parents of the kids in Kaiti's school. I asked Kaiti's sweet teacher if there is any way we could say, sternly, that if you plan on coming to the party, please bring a dish for everyone. I suggested we say it sternly because this year we have seen many parents arrive with not a thing to share, and we end up running out of food before all the children have had a chance to eat. (My children have been at St. Matthew's for 3 years and never have we had such an issue with this...)Kaiti goes to a Christian school, and I know the Christian response would be to brush it off and take pleasure in feeding everyone. But it really drives me nuts when people show up to something without contributing a single thing, and then fill their plates, and leave without pitching in. UGH!!! If you're going to be eating something, bring something-- right?? So I did NOT suggest to kind-hearted Miss P that if we see people showing up without a dish in hand, I tell them that the price of admission is a platter of food, and direct them to Publix just down the street :)

And following that up, after a t-ball game, my friend Annette invited our family over for a BBQ that night at her house. I asked her what we could bring, and she rattled off a bunch of homemade, yummy sounding things that others had agreed to bring. I had several hours to prepare a dish but was beat and felt a nap was calling my name. Soooo.....after telling her we would be there at 4:30, we did NOT leave our house at 4:28 and floor it all the way to Publix so we could pick up some of their 'homemade' spinach dip and french bread, along with steaks, hot dogs, and juice boxes. I am such a lovely guest!!


FROM THE NOT ME ARCHIVES:
When I first started working with Lisa (my boss), I helped her manage a system that helped her track showings, open house schedules, and feedback from other real estate agents. We decided to send out an e-campaign focusing on a Home Buyer Seminar she was hosting through a local bank, so we could let our sellers know what she was doing to help attract buyers. In the e-mail, I had to attach a generic photo to the e-campaign, and planned on sending it to my boss for final approval. Since it was just going to my boss, I decided to just attach a photo of her cat, mid-meow and looking pretty ferocious..... I honestly cannot remember why I did that-- probably to get a laugh out of my boss, who had just hired me less than 2 weeks before, and give her a little insight into my mind- and also because we had not yet decided on the stock photo we would use, so I needed a filler photo. The email probably would have garnered a laugh, had I just sent it to her. Instead, I most definitely did NOT send it to EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER ADDRESS BOOK.....any seller she had ever worked with, and any agent that had EVER showed one of her listings, which totaled about 400 people. Upon realizing what I had done, I did NOT start drafting my resignation letter....... 
*Thankfully for me, she chalked it up to a beginner mistake, and did not fire me. 3 years later and still going strong, and not a single cat email since :)

I came across this just the other day. This is the follow-up email she sent out after I sent the now infamous catty email'

Not ME! Monday....The Plop heard round the world!!

Spring break stirred in me a little writing sabbatical. Actually, I would have loved to write some- it's my deep-breathing, my release- but with 3 kids to keep simultaneously entertained and brawl-free, I didn't have much time on my hands. Which explains why my floors and countertops look the way they do. Or not. I'm not really sure.....

So, with all that good ole quality time together as a family, I have ample material to choose from for today's Not Me! post. None of these stories are real of course- I write them just to make the disheveled, unstructured, absent-mided mothers amongst us feel better about themselves. Yeah, you're welcome.

I should mention that if you don't have children or you're even a teensie bit squeamish, you'd be better off skipping this paragraph. Just trust me. Okay then. On a busy morning last week, I brought Jack in from the backyard, filthy, covered in a slather of sunscreen and mud. So, I sat him in the bathtub, to get him all fresh and squeaky clean. I was sorting through piles of dirty clothes when I heard Jack making some funny grunting sounds. I turned to see his face- beet red.....do you know where I am going with this? Like in Hollywood horror flicks, I screamed 'NOOOOOOOOO' in slow motion, and dove down to reach him, his face still red, but now with an expression of confusion and slight fear. And just as I was lifting him up, I searched the bath water for any sign of what he had been 'producing'. I had my son barely 3 inches out of the water when I swear, I did NOT hear it- PLOP! And that first splash was NOT followed by 2 more plops. NOOOOO!! NOOO, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT, PLEASE TELL ME THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN!!!!!   So, it was NOT ME who was forced to use a slotted shovel in my own bathtub, while suppressing the gags that were forming in my throat to fish some rather disgusting inhabitants out of my bathtub. And it was NOT ME who emptied the better part of 3 bottles of cleaning solution into my bathtub, and gave my littlest son some disappointed looks for most of the morning.

the culprit, in happier tub times

Now that I have you back with me, I'll stick to subject matter that isn't quite so stomach-turning.

I have a theory- more like a deep-rooted belief, really- about what I call the 'Starbucks mentality.' It goes like this... the lovely coffee chain that is Starbucks has created in Americans an overly-customized utopia that allows us  to pick and choose nearly every ingredient and practically demand that each and every one of our 'wants' be met and catered to, and served with a smile. And I am not referring to just ordering a coffee......I am talking about people who have been celebrated and told that they're individuals and demand to be treated individually, thus equating to them expecting each and every want, each and every expectation, to be met. Drives me nuts. I'm more of a 'you get what get and you don't pitch a fit' kinda girl. I shake my head in relative disgust when I hear people making their demands and assuming that everyone else just caters to each persons individual cravings....while muttering 'dang Starbucks mentality.' Those closest to me know my feelings on this.  It's just who I am. I'm also pretty strong in my convictions. All that being said......it was NOT ME who pulled into the Starbucks drive-thru and asked 'Could I please get a tall, half-caf, white chocolate mocha, non-fat, no-whip. Oh, and could I please get that iced? Wait, no, hot is good. ' NO WAY!!!! And if I had really done such a thing, I would have NOT have shaken my head in disgust, grunted 'Dang Starbucks mentality GOT ME- it got MEEEE!!!', and blamed the whole thing on my unborn baby girl, Evie, as I pulled around to retrieve my drink. 

Oh, and when I got up to the window to pay, I did NOT ask the lady if it would be too late to add to my order, to include a croissant, a cinnamon swirl coffee cake, and an artisan breakfast sandwich. **In my defense, the croissant was for Jack :)


We had beautiful weather over spring break, and tried to spend a good portion of every day outside, riding bikes, at the park, playing in the sprinklers and in the splash pool. On day 3, though, our splash pool needed a little kick, a little oomph. But I want yall to know it was NOT my husband who came up with the idea of a redneck water slide.......

Every time we go to Publix, Tyler and Kaiti love to jump on the scale in the front of the store. And pretty much every time they say, 'Mommy, you should get on too, and see how much YOU weigh.' Typically, I pretend like they're not my children and just keep pushing my cart past them. Well, on a day last week, as they are hopping off the scale, they asked me to get on, and I did my usual- kept walking. My precious daughter did NOT yell across the entrance to the store, 'Mommy are you worried you're gonna break it and that's why you don't wanna get weighed?' NICE!!!!!

This weekend, I went on my first showing appointments without my boss at my side. I was pretty nervous in the beginning, but on my 4th house with the young couple who was looking to buy, I really felt at ease and my confidence level was pretty high. As we were walking around, I was pointing out some of the features, and said, 'And the pattern on this TILE floor is lovely.' The young husband cleared his throat, tapped his toe on the floor, and did NOT say, 'Uhhhh, this is actually VINYL.' I DIDN'T blush and say, 'Oh you're right......what a lovely pattern on the vinyl....' So much for feeling at ease and confident, right?

At the t-ball game we had on Saturday, I was talking to my friend Michelle, while (of course) keeping a very watchful eye on Jack playing at my feet, and Kaiti playing by the bleachers. I was constantly glancing back and forth between Tyler on the field, Kaiti and Jack in the grass, and Michelle at my side, and not missing a beat. I am always aware of what my children are doing. Always! I glanced over at Jack, who was sitting on the ground next to a trash can, and saw him putting something in his mouth. As I ran to him, I DID NOT see him licking the remnants of a ring pop (a ring pop that did not belong to us), happy as a clam as he sopped up germs, dirt, and bacteria I don't even want to think about. Awesome.

And it wouldn't be a not me! post without mentioning the fact that I am NEVER EVER late. NEVER EVER. EVER. So this morning, the first Monday after spring break, I did NOT hustle Tyler into the car 10 minutes behind schedule, high-tail it to school, and pull into the parking lot at 8:27. Schools starts promptly at 8:25. Kaiti, playing peacemaker, says 'Look Tyler, there's not really any people in the loop, so you won't be that late. Isn't that good??' Tyler did NOT huffily respond 'Yeah, there is nobody in the loop Kaiti because their mom's already dropped them off and all the kids are in their classrooms now. But our Mom is really late.' Trying to find something to redeem myself, I looked over and saw a mini-van making its way into the school, turning the corner on 2 wheels, and going Mach 10 into the parking lot. I did NOT point to the minivan and proudly say, 'Look Tyler, we're not as late as them. So grab your backpack, and you won't be the latest kid dropped off today.' 

Come one ladies, now that I've warmed you all up with some good ol' fashioned mama fiction, feel free to share some stories with me. Share-- it'll make those other mother's feel so much better about themselves. At least, that's what I'm told!

Not ME! Not My MAN! Not My BABY!!

I'm going to jump right in here.....for no other reason than I just realized I have some TiVoed shows I did not know I missed and I really want to watch them while Jack is resting. That's a perfectly acceptable reason to not introduce what I am writing about, right?? Glad you agree. Well, then......

I did NOT decide to sew my friend, who is expecting a little baby girl very soon, a baby blanket over a month ago and have yet to break out the sewing machine after my needle-finger incident. (I have no idea how I managed to get my finger under the needle, but sure enough, the needle went right through my finger AND nail, and suffice it to say, it did not feel good.) I have NOT felt the strong desire to craft on many nights, only to be swayed by my greater desire to curl up in bed. So, only today did I start sweet Lucy's blanket and feel that all was going swimmingly until I got to the fourth side to see that my fabric egdes were no longer right on top of each other, and instead over an inch apart. UGH!!! NO WAY!! I am waaayyyy more skilled than that...and even I  can master a straight line.

On a night last week, my husband decided to throw a roast in the crock pot- something I am not so big on, especially when pregnant. So, after getting the roast all set in the morning, he was expecting dinner to be ready about 6. He did NOT come tell me at about 5:15 that we could expect to sit down to dinner at about 10 o'clock. I looked at him, smirking, and said 'Did you say 10 o'clock??', to which he kinda turned his head and mumbled something like 'Yeah, something must be wrong with that crock pot......'  Thank goodness we had pasta left from the night before :)

After a minor issue last week, I was sent to L&D at the Naval Hospital, strapped to monitors and told to disrobe so I could undergo an exam just to check on things. In walked a new OB doctor, one I had never met before-- and after having 2 children at that hospital and going there for half of both Jack's and Evie's pregnancies, I've met them all. This sweet young doctor proceeded with the exam, and at one point told me I needed to push. Well, it was NOT this woman who lifted her head up and said 'Umm....I don't know what that means. I don't know how to do that. I've never PUSHED before,' in a voice that was mixed with both embarrassment and slight annoyance (annoyed at the fact that I would LOVE to have pushed and know what that feels like, but none of my OBs ever let me.) The very surprised, confused doctor did NOT lift his head, stare at me and say 'What do you mean? Isn't this your 4th child? How do you NOT know how to push?' Despite my frustration, I kept my cool. It WASN'T ME who stated, voice cracking with emotion, 'Well, since you all have decided I'm no good for a vaginal delivery, I've had 3 c-sections and been robbed of my chance to EVER get to push.' For the record, I did apologize after the fact. Had he just GLANCED at my chart, though, he would have known why I didn't know how to push. Just sayin.


As I have made it abundantly clear, I am a very on-top-of-things, rule-following mama. I know....that goes without saying. I was raised with manners and my children embody the same level of sophistication I was reared with. So then, I can assure you, this is most certainly NOT MY CHILD.......

My children are always FULLY dressed, in clean, stain-free clothes. I NEVER let my babies walk around naked. NO WAY!! NOT ME!!!

If you would like to participate in the blog carnival that is NOT ME! Monday, click on the image below.

NOT ME!!! Monday time.....

You know, I am noticing that the further along I get in my pregnancy, the more fodder I have for the Not ME!! Monday posts. Perhaps it is exhaustion that is causing the lapses in judgment, my newfound acceptance of shortcuts (literal and figurative), and the way too relaxed 'Whatever' attitude. Not really sure why I seem to be walking through constant Not ME!!! moments......whatever the reason, I'm too drained to figure it out :)

After a rough week of commitments and digesting information I was not prepared to take in, we had some pretty sluggish days. I really wanted to step up to the plate and brush myself off.....I REALLY, REALLY wanted to. And, for the most part, I did dust myself off and get set to carry on.....ON FRIDAY. In the meantime, I kept up with household chores and preparing good, healthy meals for my family. So, who is the person who has bags and boxes from Panda Express, Panera, Chic Fil A, Boston's, and Arby's in her trash can? Welllllll, folks, it's NOT ME!!!!

When I went to meet Tyler at his school, I did NOT draw a complete blank when filling out the Teacher's Name column of the visitor log. The sweet office assistant just sat there, waiting for me to finish, looked up at my face and must have seen the beads of sweat upon my brow, when she asked, "And WHO is your son's teacher?" I did NOT stand there for over a minute, desperately searching the deep recesses of my memory for this woman's name that, just the day before, I exchanged emails with. Finally, probably out of sheer pity, the kind woman behind the desk said, "It's okay, we can look it up." I did NOT mumble something ridiculous, in my attempt at humor, 'Well, at least I remembered my son's name, right?".....which was met with a quite concerned look from the woman.

In the past 7 days, I have NOT lost my cell phone twice, one of my shoes, the Snack list for T-ball (the ONE thing that was my responsibility, mind you, and the ONLY copy), my keys, my appointment card for my ultrasound, my glasses, my MLS token, and my anti-frizz hair stuff.....the latter causing, perhaps, the most damage. Hey, at least all children are present and accounted for.

I have NOT grown as big as Lake Superior in the past few weeks, and am definitely NOT feeling like I am carrying around a small village in my belly, despite the fact that the email updates tell me that at 24 weeks, this little girl weighs a little over a pound. And working from home, from my LAPtop, is NOT becoming quite difficult as I see my LAP slowly disappear.

my husband took this.......if it was not so darn sweet, him wanting to get some pictures of my pregnant belly, I probably woulda socked him :)

Finally, after a grueling day, I had an appointment to meet my boss and some other women so the loan officer we refer people to could show us the ropes on the new HUD-1 form. Since I work from home, I had not met some of the other women on our team, including the loan officer we work with. But I had a really good idea of what these women looked like, based on conversations over the phone. So, after arriving at Panera about 2 minutes early (a wonderful accomplishment for me), I did not walk up to a woman seated at a table with a laptop and papers stacked next to her, thrust out my hand, and say 'Hi, you must be Rikki, I'm Shannon. So nice to finally meet you,' as I proceeded to lower my pregnant body in the chair directly across from this woman. She smiled, and I said, 'For the first time, I am more than 10 seconds early, and my boss isn't even here to see it,' and the woman kinda nervously smiled, and just as I was gearing up to ask her is she would like me to order her some sweet tea, she said sweetly, 'My name isn't Rikki, ma'am. I think you have the wrong table.' I did NOT flush a whole new color of red, grab my purse and steno pad, excuse myself and apologize to the woman for interrupting her working dinner. As I was walking away, embarrassed as all get out, and calling myself a big donkey in my head, I did NOT trip over my own two feet, stumble and catch myself on a nice old man who extended his arm to steady me, and drop my pad of paper, cell phone, and the contents of my purse on the floor. I watched helplessly as my lipgloss rolled underneath a couple's table, coins went spilling everywhere, and a tonka truck and some hershey's kisses were scattered in the path. As I was on my knees, trying to retrieve my belongings and just an ounce of dignity, I looked up to see a woman watching me, neatly surrounded with a laptop, papers, and some red folders, that were labeled big and bold with her name- Rikki XXXXX. This woman, who I was meeting for the first time, had seen my whole mess.  Oh boy!

And that about sums up my week!!

No way....NOT ME!!!

It's Monday, and that means it is time to share all the things I would NOT, could NOT, should NOT do. And I DIDN'T. Like, I didn't tear a napkin in half to scrawl a note excusing my son's absence from school while he was climbing out of the car. I am not so terrible at applying mascara that I use vaseline eye makeup remover every time I put it on. And I don't have a jar of mini reese's peanut butter cups stashed in the BACK of my cabinet so I can keep them all to myself.


For starters, I am well aware that baby gear and items are constantly changing, and I do know that companies come up with nifty new items all the time, and are constantly improving on the old ones. This weekend, Jeremiah replaced 2 of our Avent bottles, and threw out the old ones because they were pretty funky. So, this morning, when I was getting a bottle ready, I was confused when I saw a little piece fall out from under the nipple and wondered what that was all about. I did NOT decide it probably was not that crucial to the operation of the bottle, and left it sitting on the counter.  I did not hear shrieks about 5 minutes later, and turn to see Jack drenched and dripping with whole milk. I am certainly wise enough to know how to use a bottle, so the woman who soaked her son because she was too lazy to figure out what that extra piece was.....well, it WASN'T ME!

I certainly DON'T blame unhealthy wants on pregnancy cravings....NEVER EVER. So, I did NOT go against my better judgment and pull through the McD's drive thru and order some hash browns, and rationalize it by saying to myself, 'This baby NEEDS the carbs and the starches.....it is CRUCIAL for her development.' And I did NOT devour those hash browns (they sell them in pairs-- I only wanted one, but I didn't want to hassle the McD's staff by asking them to break apart a PAIR) like there was no tomorrow because I was trying to get those essential greasy potatoes  nutrients straight to my baby girl. 

After repeated failed attempts, I did NOT all but give up hope of ever getting my real estate sales license. I had NOT gotten so accustomed to coming within ONE measly point of passing, that I had started to question whether I was smart enough to ever pass the state exam. So, when I was handed this after taking the test.....

....I was NOT completely confused, and in a state of near shock that I had finally conquered the beast. And of course, when I did get this certificate that I had worked so hard for, I definitely treated it like a special treasure and put it away somewhere safe. I DIDN'T leave it on the coffee table where one of my children mistook the paper for a giant coaster, and set their sippy cup down on it. I am sure the people at the Department of Business and PROFESSIONAL Regulations will be thrilled with their newest member when I turn my stained form in.

Oh, and I did NOT get in a little argument with my husband earlier this week and was grouchy and irritated that he was not helping me, but making a phone call I deemed unimportant. We NEVER argue about silly little things that. As I was frantically pacing the kitchen trying to get dinner on the table in time to eat and run out to Tyler's t-ball practice, I was silently fuming and plotting to give my husband the cold shoulder the rest of the night because I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. So, since I had made up my mind, it was NOT this wife who completely caved when her husband brushed by her, smelling delicious from his cologne, and looking cute enough to nibble. When I steel myself, there is NO turning back, and I certainly would NOT let go of time-toughened upset just because my husband smelled too good and looked too cute to pass up.

Finally, my children are always well-behaved and at least follow the basics of being kind to others, respecting their elders, and NEVER causing harm to others. So, it was NOT my child who, THREE separate times, decided to throw his big brother's Bakugan toys at some of the other little boys, while we were waiting for Kaiti to finish her dance class. I did NOT try to tell myself-- and the other moms-- that since those toys are shaped like a ball, he was probably just confused and doing what he would with any other ball. All hope of that theory slipped away, when he threw the toy a second time, nearly missing one little boys head, and turned and smiled a wicked grin at me. He certainly did NOT do it a third time, despite my repeated 'NO Jack!'s, and on the third time, I did NOT start handing out my insurance information to the injured parties......(okay, it didn't come to injuries, unless you count my motherly pride.) So, it is NOT this child who acts innocent and plays up the cuteness, while hiding the sinister trouble-seeking quality that lies beneath the surface!

who, ME?????

NO WAY!! NOT HIM!!

Not ME!! Monday

So, by now, you all know how this works right? Monday's give me an outlet to expose the more gritty moments of my life as a wife and mother share all the things that could have, might have, almost happened during the past week or so. So sit down and join me, and write your own. It might even make me feel a little better, you know, if these things really happened.....


First, I did NOT come dangerously close to throwing a hissy fit the size of Texas at the Apple store this past week. After taking my laptop in to get repaired (Jack might have pushed it to the floor.....and I may have spilled chocolate milk on it a few weeks before that), and having to work on my husband's PC which drove me to the brink, I was beyond giddy when Apple called and told me after a week that my macbook pro was all fixed. So, loading the 3 kids in the car, we went to the town center- which is ALWAYS crazy- and arrived at the Genius Bar for my appointment. After 30 excruciating minutes os 'Please don't touch that', and 'Because, honey, THAT is way more than you make in your allowance ALL YEAR!', finally a tech comes over to me, and says, 'I'm sorry, Mrs. Nelson, there appears to be some confusion. Your laptop is not fixed, because, umm, it CANNOT BE FIXED.' Me-- 'I don't understand...your tech looked at it, told me he could fix it, told me the cost, I signed the papers, you've had it for a  whole week....I don't understand.' The tech: 'Once we got it in the back, we realized we could not fix it. It would be more cost effective for you to just replace the whole machine.' Right about then is when my chin did NOT start trembling, my face did NOT grow hot, and my voice did NOT catch in my throat as I tried to mutter, 'But getting a new laptop is $800 more than the price I was quoted to fix my machine, and our insurance company has already closed the claim....' The tech looked around helpless as my kids, knowing mama was about to lose it, stared up at her with wide eyes, almost begging her to make it better. I did NOT call my husband and tell him I needed him to hightail it over to Apple before I got a little lippy & started tossing iPods (kidding-- kinda), and I certainly did NOT start singing Jimmy Crack Corn in the middle of the store.....(a former boss once told me that singing that song calms you down some and shifts your focus, and I've come to find it works for me, despite the fact that all around me are dialing the 911 and reporting the grown woman who has lost her marbles singing next to them...)
-- side note, I am typing this post from a new computer....grrrrr----

I did NOT wake up on Friday sick as a dog and beyond exhausted when the alarm went off to find all 3 kids in bed with me. And I did NOT break my own rules and go against my better judgement when both Tyler and Kaiti said they were not feeling well either, and thought they should both stay home from school. Knowing this was just them trying to take advantage of the fact that I was sick,  I SHOULD have said, 'No way, up and at 'em kiddos, let's get dressed.' So, I did NOT say, okay, well, if you are sick we better stay in bed and watch TV all day, because I was willing to bend the rules if it meant even just 30 more minutes of rest in my pjs.

Just yesterday, I did NOT open the fridge in the garage, see that there was only ONE strawberry kiwi juice box left, look around to see if anyone was watching, then grab it, poke the straw in, and swig it down in one sip. Nope! Wasn't me!!!

When picking up the kids toys off the floor in the living room, I did NOT ask my husband for help, saying that it was uncomfortable for me to keep bending down to get things off the floor. As he came to help, rolling his eyes, I did NOT stick to my story and tell him that every time I bent down to get something I felt sick in my stomach. As he muttered, 'Whatever honey, I'm not buying it, but I'll help...' I did NOT bend to retrieve a sock when the LOUDEST belch ever to be recorded escaped my mouth. As my sweet husband turned to me in shock, and my face grew red, I did NOT avert my eyes and sort of desperately say, 'SEEEEEE!!!!!!'

I was NOT informed by my husband that Tyler told him all about childbirth in the car, and how a boy at school told him that when the baby is born 'It drops out of your mom's privates, and the doctor's get it.' I did NOT nearly lose my lunch and fall to the floor (okay, so I might be a teenie bit dramatic...) as I stared wide-eyed at my son who had been told more than I ever wanted his 6-year-old head to know, and made another mark in the 'pro' homeschool column I am constantly making in my head.

I did NOT get so excited that I almost had tears spilling out my eyes when I found a stash of Hershey's chocolate bars I had stashed before Christmas. First, I would NEVER hide chocolate from my family---that would be selfish! And had I found chocolate, I certainly would NOT have shouted 'WOO HOOO!!' so loud that it woke my sweet son from his nap. My goodness, I am more composed than that, and I definitely do NOT drool at the sight of chocolate. NO WAY!! NOT ME!!

Looking for more Not ME!'s? Well, you can click on the little icon below and read away!

Not ME!! Monday- N Week!!

Another Not Me! Monday post and I feel so fortunate to get to share these made-up coulda been, mighta-happened stories. It's fun to pretend.....fun to pretend that you took a pregnancy test in the Chic Fil A restroom, fun to pretend that you realize rather unpleasantly that you forgot deodorant and smear some anti-bacterial bath n body works stuff under you arms, fun to pretend about the time you tried to save money on a haircut and wound up with a mullet. Boy, if some of these things had actually happened, I would not be nearly as together or with-it as I aspire to be..... but since we know this is all fiction, and this, it's important that you know how very together and with-it I am.

Now, on to the fiction.

After the crazy rush of obligations, appointments, functions, and such, I assure you it was NOT ME who was (oh gosh, please forgive me here) a teenie bit grateful when Jack threw up and had a slight fever on Thursday night, because it gave me an out from going to Tyler's 7:30 t-ball practice. I know, I know, if that really happened it would make me a pretty shameful mother who saw her son's vomit as a chance to rest and sit one out. Good thing that's all fiction!!
{before you go reporting me to child services, Jack is teething & responds this to way every tooth}

I am doing a wonderful job at curbing my pregnancy cravings for sweets (something about girls makes me dessert-happy-- must be all that sugar and spice I am making!), so it was NOT me who took a leisurely stroll through the Publix bakery, and after about 5 minutes, approached her husband with a tower of goodies in her arms, and asked 'Is this a problem?' Had that happened, my very sweet, but very KNOWING husband would NOT have responded, 'Nope, not a problem......but are we going to get to have any of that stuff?'

notice the lack of oatmeal raisin cookies? well, it WASN'T me!!

If you read my blog, then you know it was NOT this pregnant lady who was sure she was having a boy. (It wasn't me who wrote THIS POST). So, with knowing instinctively I was making a boy, when the ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know what we were having, I nodded yes even though I already knew. She focused in on the gender spot and said 'Here's what you're having!'  It was NOT me who said, 'I don't see it.' Jeremiah did NOT stare at me, smiling, saying, 'You don't see it, babe...look again.' I did NOT squint and focus really hard and again, kinda pathetically say, 'Where is it? I don't see IT!' Finally, seeing my confusion, my husband said, 'That's because 'that' is not there......it's a girl, babe.' Still puzzled, I did NOT stare again, and finally realize that, despite my intuition, the little child on the screen was not a he, but a SHE!!!! Tears did NOT well up upon realizing this. So much for my motherly instinct.....

Out to dinner with friends one night, I noticed a rather pungent smell coming from Jack's direction, and scooped him up to change him. I got to the restaurants restroom, with not a changing table in sight. So, I walked out to my car, holding Jack, when I realized that diaper contents had overflown and were now smeared on my arm. YUCK!! Finally getting to the car, I lay Jack down on the 3rd row seat, atop some gift tissue paper I had found in the glove box, since our changing pad was at home, and dug in for a diaper. Digging and digging, and the realization hits me-- no diaper. I knew there was one in the back of the car-- a spare that was at least one size too small and was falling apart (literally, there were cheez it crumbs on it)--so I breathed a small sigh for little blessings, and started searching for the wipes. No wipes. They were in the restaurant table, where we put them after wiping Jack's mac n cheese hands. So what did this near-tears, stinky armed, not-sosresourceful mama do? Well, I did NOT grab a water bottle, a pack of kleenex, and tear off some of that tissue wrap and create makeshift wipes for both Jack's bottom and MY ARM, march back into the restaurant, hand Jack to my husband, and RUN to the ladies restroom for some hot water and soap. ICK!!!!! That did NOT happen to me!!!

Finally, the doozie of all Not Me's! (at least for me)........Kaiti's pre-k class passes around a letter box with each letter of the alphabet, and the kids in the class get to take the box home and fill it with 5 things that begin with that letter. As you can imagine, some letters are harder to find than others. For some reason, we were having a hard time finding 'N' things in the house. So I suggested Kaiti and her brother draw on paper some things that start with an 'N', and then we could cut them out and include them in the box. They asked for ideas, so I said think of 'N' fruits, animals, body parts, or toys. So, that night, before the kids went to bed, I did NOT inspect the box (to some not fully surpressed giggles) and find this..........

....can you guess what it is? Let me give you a hint-- it's a body part that does not see the light of day, and us women keep it holstered. Still can't figure it out? Okay, it rhymes with tipple. Can you tell my kids are raised by a breast-feeding mama? (I am sure they knew that it was not the most appropriate thing to draw- Kaiti defended it by saying she can't draw a kNee- but it's not as taboo as it would have been, if say, I had drawn it.) To save Miss Pat and Miss Betty from a stroke, and rather uncomfortable conversation, I removed the 'N' drawing. So, it was NOT my sweet and innocent daughter who brought the N box to school with 4, and not 5, N things inside!!

To see more Not ME!s, go over here.

Not ME! Monday-- UH OH!!

Guess what day it is?? Monday!!! And that means yet another installation of Not Me!! Monday where I share what could have been, what might have been, what could have become of my week......

For starters, after taking my kids to school and shopping in Target for some desperately needed items, I promise it WASN'T ME who was retrieving a sippy cup from the floor and noticed- GASP!- that I was wearing 2 very different shoes. If this had truly happened, surely,  I would have noticed that my left foot looked very cute in a zebra print flip flop with hot pink stitching, while the right foot was wearing a black flip flop adorned with '2008' and a graduation cap and glitzy sequins! Wow!!! That could have been pretty embarrassing, so I sure am glad that WASN'T ME!!

While cleaning up my husband's haircut with his razor, I can say-well, actually I cannot say because I cannot stop laughing- that it was NOT ME who wasn't paying attention and took the trimmers where they never should have gone with that size blade. So, of course, I WASN'T the one said 'Oh, SHOOT!' and immediately started laughing, after realizing I took a significant chunk of hair off of one side of his head AND made the bottom hair line 1 inch shorter than it was prior to my razor-wielding. I would feel terrible if I had done such a thing, and I certainly would NOT have burst out into a fit of laughter upon seeing my husband's reaction to his lovely new haircut. NOT ME!!

And just this weekend, I was not playing with my kids and thinking it would be fun to jump out and scare them. So it WASN'T me who was crouching down behind the couch just waiting for the little footsteps to come tearing around the corner, trying to suppress my giggles. And as I heard them get very close, it WASN'T ME who jumped out and yelled 'BOO!', and surprised my littlest child so much that he threw the VERY HEAVY walkie talkie he was holding smack dab at my left cheek and eye. So, do you know who is walking around with a slight shiner and tender cheek bone? Well, I'll tell ya- NOT ME!!

**And for the record, the photo above was created through photoshop, and most certainly is NOT MY HUSBAND!!

if you want to see what everyone else has NOT been doing CLICK HERE

NOT ME!! MONDAY

A short and sweet Not Me! Monday post, just like me. Stop laughing. Okay, short, definitely. The sweet depends on my blood sugar level at the time.

It was absolutely NOT ME who let my son waddle around with a dirty, stinky diaper, hoping he would walk within sniffing distance of his daddy quickly, so daddy would grab him up and change him. I would NOT do that….especially since my husband had changed the last 2 dirty diapers, and I know that if we were taking turns, it was most certainly mine.

Speaking of my husband, I did NOT get a teenie bit possessive at his birthday dinner at Longhorn’s Steakhouse, when I noticed a young, pretty blonde checking him out. And it was certainly NOT me who locked my eyes on said blonde, and gave her a sweet but emphatically stern look, telling her to avert her eyes immediately. And it was NOT my husband who kept chowing down on his steak and sipping his sweet tea, none the wiser about the little eye-exchange that had just taken place, until I told him. Nothing gets between my man and his meat J

Because I am such an early-riser, morning type of gal, it was NOT ME who slept a little late on a school day. And my sweet son Tyler, while letting me sleep, did not decide to make his own lunch, only to find we were out of lunchables AND Ziploc bags. Upset that he had no baggies to put his sandwich in (instead of disturbing my extra 5 min of sleep), he decided to just throw the sandwich away—which also happened to be our last slices of bread. Upon learning all of this, I most certainly DID NOT scoop the sandwich from the trash, telling him it had not touched anything really icky, and he had to eat it since we had nothing else. As he started getting really upset, I said his only other option was to buy lunch from the cafeteria, to which he cried, (actual tears, folks) and said ‘Please don’t make me eat the school food, mommy, please don’t make me eat it, it’s really baaaaddddd!!!’ 

Feeling really bad, I did NOT say, ‘Honey it is the sandwich you made, that was only in the trash can for a second, or the cafeteria lunch, which can’t be that awful.’ (Don’t worry—I felt terrible and ran into Publix to grab him his favorite lunchable, and took into his classroom—where he had the most tear-jerking look of gratitude I’ve ever seen.)

Finally, it was NOT ME who loudly blurted out, ‘Oh my gosh, it smells like crap over here,’ as we were driving over the river. Tyler giggled from the backseat, but Kaiti was having none of it, and said, ‘Um, Mommy, you just said a bad word.’ I said ‘Yes, honey, that was a bad word.’ Kaiti replied, ‘You shouldn’t say bad words, Mommy, you should say something else.’ I always own up to my mistakes, so it sure WASN’T ME who said, ‘Right honey, I should have said something else, but I said that word for emphasis, because it sure smells something awful, and no other word would do.’

NOT ME!! Monday

Time to share all the things we have NOT done this week. Feel free to join in on the fun!

While whipping up 2 separate dinners- one for the kids, and one for me- my sweet 6-year-old son did NOT yell out, ‘Mom, why is Jack eating a stick of butter?’ And upon hearing such a thing, I certainly would NOT have asked Tyler to remove the butter from his little brother’s hands and get a baby wipe to clean up the mess. I would NEVER ask my son to do my job! And while older son was cleaning off younger son, I certainly was NOT thinking in my head, ‘I was wondering where that stick of butter went…..at least I am NOT losing my mind.’

About a week ago, my husband was getting the kids dressed in the morning to go get some breakfast. As I walked out of my room, I did NOT bust out laughing at the sight of my sweet daughter, wearing her little brother’s khaki pants. My husband handed them to Kaiti, who obligingly put them on. So, my tall, thin size-5 wearing daughter did NOT turn her little brother’s 2T khaki pants into some very interesting Bermuda shorts. But hey, the waist fit her perfectly!

I certainly did NOT do a joyous happy dance when I heard back from my OB that I don’t have (really, I don’t have) gestational diabetes. I had been trying to follow the heart association’s food guide, but was still really worried about getting GD—which would mean no smoothies for the duration of the pregnancy. Oh, the travesty of being pregnant without drinking a nice, thick strawberry-orange-banana smoothie!!

Oh, and let me share with you the letter we received from Tyler’s school. It roughly stated that my son had been tardy for 4 days over the past 45 school days, and if he was late one more time, my husband and I would be forced to attend a meeting instructing us about the effects of tardiness and how the Duval County School Board does not stand for such things. I was so ticked after reading the letter, but I certainly DID NOT draft my own letter up that went something like this..

   ‘Dear School People, I appreciate you taking a concern in my sons attendance and wanting him to receive the most out of his classroom environment- despite the fact you saw fit to move him to another classroom not even 50 days into the school year. I can assure you, we strive to get Tyler to school every morning, but my morning sickness sometimes means we are 5 minutes late. As much as I have explained to the hormones raging through my body that vomit is no excuse for being late, I still find myself hugging the toilet 4 mornings a week. I will discuss it with my hormones again, and I apologize deeply if my son walking in 4 minutes late is such a disruption. I assure you, I am doing my best to conquer the morning sickness, but as my doctor’s have told me, when it comes to pregnancy and sickness, it is really out of my hands. Rest assured, I am told it will go away sometime before this child is born. Thanks again for your concern. Kindly, Shannon N.’

Finally, when the phone rang this morning a little after 4am, after swallowing a lump in my throat as big as Texas (who calls with GOOD news at 4am?) I was NOT incredibly relieved to find out it was only our city’s storm warning system, warning us of a tornado warning in our area. And I was NOT kinda-sorta hoping that the wind would knock out our power so I might have a more ‘valid’ excuse, you know, just in case we did not make it out the door on time. So, I give you my word, I did NOT stick out my bottom lip when I heard Jack calling me from his crib this morning, only to open my eyes and see that, much to chagrin, our lights were on which meant we did not lose power. Bummer.

Not ME! Monday....a quickie!!

Time for my weekly non-admission. Are you ready? 'Cause I am making this one short and sweet. Short for sure. Sweet....well, you be the judge.

This morning, I promise, I did NOT consider homeschooling the kids, if only to avoid the mad rush out the door and give myself some extra time to sleep in my nice warm bed. What's that you say- that's no reason to homeschool your children! Of course I know that! That's why I said I did 'NOT' consider it......

After piling all the kids in the car, swaddled in layers and layers of our warmest clothing (it was 21 degrees this morning in good ol' SUNNY Florida!!), I did NOT realize I had yet to change out of my pj's. To rectify that quickly, I did NOT put some lipgloss on simply grab a very cute cardigan to put on over my pj top, figuring everyone driving would only see mid-level chest on up. Waist-up I looked aptly groomed and ready to roll....only to discover I desperately needed gas. So, if you happened to be driving down Merrill Road this morning and saw a woman with dazzling lip gloss dressed in a lovely sweater atop flannel, pink plaid pajama pants and fuzzy black slippers, well, you can be sure it was NOT ME!!!

And since I learn from the crazy situations I tend to put myself in, I certainly did NOT come home, hang my sweater up, hang out for 4 hours in my pjs, still showerless, only to grab the same adorable sweater and tube of lip gloss as I headed back out to retrieve my children.

NOPE!!! NOT ME!!

NOT ME! Monday

Hi there! I came on tonight to un-blog about all my un-happenings, to distract myself from the pouty husband, upset that his fantasy football hopes have been dashed. Man, if Minnesota could score about seven defensive touchdowns, maybe his blood pressure would drop some and his color would return to normal. Until THAT happens, I'll just blog :)

A couple days before Christmas, with the cold settling in and my kids going stir crazy from being cooped up, we decided to go visit Daddy at work for lunch, bring him some treats, and go to the park on base afterwards. While there, I let the kids roam around and stayed ever close to my littlest babe. So, I can assure it you it was NOT ME who let Jack climb the steps alone and attempt the slide all by his one-year-old self. (I can feel my sister's fear and anxiety from here.)

And since my home is always peaceful and quiet, especially around the holidays, there would be no need to escape for a bit. So, I know that I did NOT hear my husband say, 'Babe, if you need me, I'll be locked in the bathroom for the next 45 minutes. No, I don't have to go, I just need some quiet.' And I did NOT grab my magazines and consider joining him in there.

I was NOT in a frantic rush on Christmas afternoon scurrying things into drawers, closets, and anywhere else they would fit, so my house would look decent and semi-tidy when our friends arrived for Christmas dinner. And speaking of having our wonderful friends, the Kopsch family, over for Christmas, we adults stayed on our best behavior while playing cards and hanging out, and I DID NOT hear Chris doing a wonderful rendition to the song 'Get Low', the song that Sandra Bullock sings around the campfire in the movie 'The Proposal'.

The day after Christmas we took the kids to Target to spend the gift cards they received from Grandma Julia and Aunt Jody. (And I should tell you that my husband has an extreme dislike of shopping at Target with me, because we go in for one thing, and come out with twenty.) So, as he was getting builders glue with the boys, Kaiti and I snuck off to the baby clothes section and picked out an irresistibly adorable outfit for the baby that is only 13ish weeks along in my belly.

Don't worry, if I actually purchased this, I'd definitely save the receipt.

Today at lunch time, after making myself a caesar salad with homemade croutons, I did NOT give Jack a mini candy cane to distract him, so I would not have to share one bite of my yummy salad with him. How selfish, right? And I promise you, I am NOT about to do the same exact thing because now that I have mentioned that delicious salad, I think I need another serving. So I better post this so I can start fixin the croutons!

Happy NOT ME! Monday friends!!