Monday, September 19, 2011

not me monday! it's baaaaa-aaacckkkkk!!!

Guess what guys? Not Me Monday's are back!!! You can check out all of the funny Not Me's over HERE and read mine below to make you feel better about the little blips and mishaps that occur in your own lives. Cause I tell you what, it's good to know that I am not the only woman running around doing these things...or Not.

I did NOT do very sloooooooowwwwww laps around the grocery store last week on an unprecedented solo trip to pick up food. I was NOT smiling a big goofy grin and practically skipping behind my cart at the sheer joy of casually breezing through the store without any little people pulling at coupons, screeching about cereal, or insanely running down the stores aisles. And I did NOT, the very next night, ask my husband if he needed anything special, just so I could attempt a repeat of the same grocery store retreat.

I did NOT introduce myself to a friend's husband, saying "Hi xxxx, I'm Shannon, so good to finally meet you". I would NOT have said that because apparently, I had already met him- twice. "Yeah, good to see you Shannon, we met a couple times last year." And it WASN'T me who, with lack of anything better to say, muttered, "Oh yeah, that's right, your hair looks different." Um, I would NEVER have said something so ridiculous, because one, the guy was in the Navy and those hair cuts don't really change, and two, that implies that when meeting people, I only stare at hair. Oh gosh, Shannon.

Last spring, after playing with my glasses, Jack dropped them on the ground and stepped on them, crunching them to pieces. The idea of taking 4 kids to the eye doctor while I got an eye exam to update my prescription had my head reeling. But I don't let a little fear of 4 noisy children in a crowded quiet waiting room throw me off. So I promise it was NOT ME who went 7 months without wearing glasses, and who is now wearing glasses around the clock because of the damage done to her eyes during the time without them. Astigmatism AND Far sightedness....PEACHY!

Who makes yummy cake batter blondies at 11pm because just the thought of them caused a puddle of drool on the coffee table? NOT ME!! I just eat carrots and rice cakes whenever the urge for sweets strikes.

Who looked the other way when she saw her youngest daughter gnawing on her oldest daughter's toothbrush? NOT ME!! That is super ick. I would never allow my baby girl to swap germs with her sister for the pure sake of 15 minutes of peace and quiet.

Who keeps putting off bra shopping and is walking around wearing incorrectly sized brassieres that pinch and push? NOT ME!!! I would NEVER wear something that forced me to keep tucking the ladies back in every 20 minutes, just to escape the painstaking task of trying on correctly sized cups that might actually fit.

And what kind of grown woman would throw a hissy fit, stomp off in denial and scream CHEATER just because her totally uncoordinated, got-no-kinda-rhythym, uncomfortable-to-watch, awkward-dancing husband beat her at a Wii Just Dance competition! It sure in the heck was NOT ME!!!!

"who writes blog posts when she should be folding laundry and picking up around the house? not my mama!!" -everleigh nelson

For more Not Me's click on this fancy button!

Mckmama- Not Me Monday

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