Call the doctor. I have typer's block

Okay, no I don't. If that even were such a thing. It's probably more properly referred to as carpal tunnel syndrome (right? or is that with your jaw? whatever.), and I do not have carpal tunnel, fortunately for everyone reading this. Which is my husband and sometimes my sister(hi honey! hi kell!). I don't even think my dad reads anymore. It's okay- I've made my peace.

I just noticed that I type/write/bog like I think. In parentheses. Because one thought leads to another, leads to another, and for some reason I feel like it is important to share all my little offshoot thoughts. Sorry about that.

So my typer's block. I decided that one of the things that would lessen the pain of my husband's deployment and keep me focused was blogging more. I set out to blog more often. Not so much because I think y'all are just itching to read what I write (laughable), but because writing is like exercise for my soul. I know how silly that sounds, but really, blogging helps me process, gives me pause to think, and helps me navigate myself to where I would like to go. And in blogging, I have "met" several women who have been a source of encouragement, support, and laughter that I never would have "known" otherwise. I really do love the connections that my laptop and blogger have afforded me.

But today I feel a little blah, so I decided to just share an email I sent my husband late last night. A little of this, a little of that, a little something that is going to gross you out and make you want to stage an intervention. (I copied & pasted, made no edits....)

image courtesy of the USS Bainbridge facebook page

hi honey. it was a good day, I guess. I am really just glad that you actually pulled out because the hanging out in norfolk thing is tough on me. this life is so weird. like, it is weird that I need to have a little bit of distance between seeing you last on Sunday morning to have my heart not hurt as much. do you understand what I mean? 

I am really weird when you leave......I am not sure I have ever told you. for example, (and I am aware at how disgusting and disturbing this is, so no need to to tell me) every time you go I usually leave the last clothes you wore and left on the closet floor there for a week......or more. okay, more. I leave them until I get over the initial sadness and sting of you leaving. because if I leave them there, it is like you were just here, and I am closer to having just seen you than to seeing you again. so I am a total nut job that leaves worn boxers and pants on my floor because it bridges the gap between me and you. weird, huh. 

also, the first week that you leave our house usually looks like crap. like, serious CRAP. I feel overwhelmed and put it off and procrastinate big time. and then I go nuts vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the kitchen, throwing crap out, going into the kids rooms, etc. it's so sad that I have a process of how to cope with you leaving. that I actually have a process that I repeat again and again because we do this so much.

anyway, after you called this morning and said you had to go man the rails, I was overcome with how proud I am to be married to you. really. I know you are not going to like me writing this, but.....you really are amazing. no way could I do it. and you seem so strong about it, even though I know your heart hurts too. yeah, I could never have married an accountant. fo sho. plus, accountants don't wear flight suits. 

kaiti got in the car from school today and I asked her how her day was. and she said 'the worst day ever.' which made my heart sink because it was all over her face that her day sucked. she said she had to run the mile but her dang TWINKLE-not-flippin-good-for-running-a-mile-TOES kept falling off her feet so she had to keep stopping to put them back on and retie them so she did not finish in time to get a bracelet :( oh, and she came home with shoes on the wrong feet. I'm going to ask her teacher  to let her rerun it. I know that they cannot make exceptions and give second chances to everyone, but she really wanted to finish, and she totally could finish. so I am going to ask. because my daughter deserves a bracelet, if for no other reason than she wants to run again to do better. 

we had pasta for dinner again. that is going to get old quick. so I googled how to light the grill last night. and the google response might as well have been 'LIGHT A FREAKIN MATCH JACKASS'. because, seriously, that it what it said pretty much. Tyler said he does not want to go 7 months without a steak or a pork chop (I am sure you are beaming with pride right about now), so I need to introduce myself to the grill. apparently I need to get a match. my google question should have been: how do I know when the slab of carcass I am cooking caveman-style over fire is cooked enough so I do not kill my children from food bugs? if you know the answer to that, please let me know. 

okay, about orders.....I just want to decide. so if it's norfolk and not japan, then okay. I really want Japan, but apparently they are not willing to move us there. which, by the, is totally horse doodoo because I know SEVERAL officer families who have 3 children whoa re being sent overseas, and for a shorter rotation, so WHY do they approve the funds for officers and not enlisted with longer tours? such baloney. or bologna. whatever. 

okay, it is 12:53 and I need to sleep. because your daughter will be up in an hour to nurse. I was going to type 'will I ever sleep more than 3 hours at a time again', but chose not to because I don't want you to say someday. I'd rather you say Sunday. but then that would be a lie. 

I love you honey. or as my phone likes to autocorrect, I love your Hindu. I miss you like crazy already. our countdown bites right now, but.....220 days. yea?! I love you. miss your cute face. a lot. thanks for marrying me.

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Countdown to Bliss: 219 days