Monday, February 1, 2010


A short and sweet Not Me! Monday post, just like me. Stop laughing. Okay, short, definitely. The sweet depends on my blood sugar level at the time.

It was absolutely NOT ME who let my son waddle around with a dirty, stinky diaper, hoping he would walk within sniffing distance of his daddy quickly, so daddy would grab him up and change him. I would NOT do that….especially since my husband had changed the last 2 dirty diapers, and I know that if we were taking turns, it was most certainly mine.

Speaking of my husband, I did NOT get a teenie bit possessive at his birthday dinner at Longhorn’s Steakhouse, when I noticed a young, pretty blonde checking him out. And it was certainly NOT me who locked my eyes on said blonde, and gave her a sweet but emphatically stern look, telling her to avert her eyes immediately. And it was NOT my husband who kept chowing down on his steak and sipping his sweet tea, none the wiser about the little eye-exchange that had just taken place, until I told him. Nothing gets between my man and his meat J

Because I am such an early-riser, morning type of gal, it was NOT ME who slept a little late on a school day. And my sweet son Tyler, while letting me sleep, did not decide to make his own lunch, only to find we were out of lunchables AND Ziploc bags. Upset that he had no baggies to put his sandwich in (instead of disturbing my extra 5 min of sleep), he decided to just throw the sandwich away—which also happened to be our last slices of bread. Upon learning all of this, I most certainly DID NOT scoop the sandwich from the trash, telling him it had not touched anything really icky, and he had to eat it since we had nothing else. As he started getting really upset, I said his only other option was to buy lunch from the cafeteria, to which he cried, (actual tears, folks) and said ‘Please don’t make me eat the school food, mommy, please don’t make me eat it, it’s really baaaaddddd!!!’ 
Feeling really bad, I did NOT say, ‘Honey it is the sandwich you made, that was only in the trash can for a second, or the cafeteria lunch, which can’t be that awful.’ (Don’t worry—I felt terrible and ran into Publix to grab him his favorite lunchable, and took into his classroom—where he had the most tear-jerking look of gratitude I’ve ever seen.)

Finally, it was NOT ME who loudly blurted out, ‘Oh my gosh, it smells like crap over here,’ as we were driving over the river. Tyler giggled from the backseat, but Kaiti was having none of it, and said, ‘Um, Mommy, you just said a bad word.’ I said ‘Yes, honey, that was a bad word.’ Kaiti replied, ‘You shouldn’t say bad words, Mommy, you should say something else.’ I always own up to my mistakes, so it sure WASN’T ME who said, ‘Right honey, I should have said something else, but I said that word for emphasis, because it sure smells something awful, and no other word would do.’

1 comment:

Mandalynn said...

That's hilarious!! :) I have a little gal who we call the "bad word police" (bad words being "crap," "stupid," and other such words...)

Of course, I never utter a "bad word."



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