Not ME!! Monday

So, by now, you all know how this works right? Monday's give me an outlet to expose the more gritty moments of my life as a wife and mother share all the things that could have, might have, almost happened during the past week or so. So sit down and join me, and write your own. It might even make me feel a little better, you know, if these things really happened.....


First, I did NOT come dangerously close to throwing a hissy fit the size of Texas at the Apple store this past week. After taking my laptop in to get repaired (Jack might have pushed it to the floor.....and I may have spilled chocolate milk on it a few weeks before that), and having to work on my husband's PC which drove me to the brink, I was beyond giddy when Apple called and told me after a week that my macbook pro was all fixed. So, loading the 3 kids in the car, we went to the town center- which is ALWAYS crazy- and arrived at the Genius Bar for my appointment. After 30 excruciating minutes os 'Please don't touch that', and 'Because, honey, THAT is way more than you make in your allowance ALL YEAR!', finally a tech comes over to me, and says, 'I'm sorry, Mrs. Nelson, there appears to be some confusion. Your laptop is not fixed, because, umm, it CANNOT BE FIXED.' Me-- 'I don't understand...your tech looked at it, told me he could fix it, told me the cost, I signed the papers, you've had it for a  whole week....I don't understand.' The tech: 'Once we got it in the back, we realized we could not fix it. It would be more cost effective for you to just replace the whole machine.' Right about then is when my chin did NOT start trembling, my face did NOT grow hot, and my voice did NOT catch in my throat as I tried to mutter, 'But getting a new laptop is $800 more than the price I was quoted to fix my machine, and our insurance company has already closed the claim....' The tech looked around helpless as my kids, knowing mama was about to lose it, stared up at her with wide eyes, almost begging her to make it better. I did NOT call my husband and tell him I needed him to hightail it over to Apple before I got a little lippy & started tossing iPods (kidding-- kinda), and I certainly did NOT start singing Jimmy Crack Corn in the middle of the store.....(a former boss once told me that singing that song calms you down some and shifts your focus, and I've come to find it works for me, despite the fact that all around me are dialing the 911 and reporting the grown woman who has lost her marbles singing next to them...)
-- side note, I am typing this post from a new computer....grrrrr----

I did NOT wake up on Friday sick as a dog and beyond exhausted when the alarm went off to find all 3 kids in bed with me. And I did NOT break my own rules and go against my better judgement when both Tyler and Kaiti said they were not feeling well either, and thought they should both stay home from school. Knowing this was just them trying to take advantage of the fact that I was sick,  I SHOULD have said, 'No way, up and at 'em kiddos, let's get dressed.' So, I did NOT say, okay, well, if you are sick we better stay in bed and watch TV all day, because I was willing to bend the rules if it meant even just 30 more minutes of rest in my pjs.

Just yesterday, I did NOT open the fridge in the garage, see that there was only ONE strawberry kiwi juice box left, look around to see if anyone was watching, then grab it, poke the straw in, and swig it down in one sip. Nope! Wasn't me!!!

When picking up the kids toys off the floor in the living room, I did NOT ask my husband for help, saying that it was uncomfortable for me to keep bending down to get things off the floor. As he came to help, rolling his eyes, I did NOT stick to my story and tell him that every time I bent down to get something I felt sick in my stomach. As he muttered, 'Whatever honey, I'm not buying it, but I'll help...' I did NOT bend to retrieve a sock when the LOUDEST belch ever to be recorded escaped my mouth. As my sweet husband turned to me in shock, and my face grew red, I did NOT avert my eyes and sort of desperately say, 'SEEEEEE!!!!!!'

I was NOT informed by my husband that Tyler told him all about childbirth in the car, and how a boy at school told him that when the baby is born 'It drops out of your mom's privates, and the doctor's get it.' I did NOT nearly lose my lunch and fall to the floor (okay, so I might be a teenie bit dramatic...) as I stared wide-eyed at my son who had been told more than I ever wanted his 6-year-old head to know, and made another mark in the 'pro' homeschool column I am constantly making in my head.

I did NOT get so excited that I almost had tears spilling out my eyes when I found a stash of Hershey's chocolate bars I had stashed before Christmas. First, I would NEVER hide chocolate from my family---that would be selfish! And had I found chocolate, I certainly would NOT have shouted 'WOO HOOO!!' so loud that it woke my sweet son from his nap. My goodness, I am more composed than that, and I definitely do NOT drool at the sight of chocolate. NO WAY!! NOT ME!!

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