Tuesday, January 12, 2010

this moment is your life

Last night I was feeling pretty ragged. Part of it's pregnancy, and part of it's just the ordinary business of life.

Between running the kids back and forth between 2 different schools, running errands, running to and from work on the days I work outside my home, shuttling Kaiti back and forth between ballet & tap class, my OB appointments and doctors visits for the kids, I feel like a good chunk of time is devoted to going places to get somewhere. And to think t-ball hasn't even begun yet.

I felt wiped out and over-committed. Right now, my is husband home, but soon he will leave again, and it will be a one-woman show- AGAIN.

I let my mind wander and was starting to feel a bit sorry for myself this morning (while driving home after dropping Kaiti off at school), and suddenly, the light went on and I felt like a BIG OLE' WHINER!

For years I dreamed of having kids. Then I met my husband, and it seemed like those dreams might come true- I married a man who loved children as much as I did and viewed being a wonderful parent as one of life's greatest honors.

It didn't work out the first time. But it did the second, and we got Tyler. I remember watching him toddle around the house thinking, someday we will be cheering for a our little boy as he plays sports. I'll be a baseball (or soccer) mama!  I remember the excitement and joy I felt thinking of watching my child cross home plate, of my husband and I cheering for him from the bleachers.

When Kaiti was born, the visions just changed slightly. I pictured dressing my little girl in a leotard and tutu, watching her dance or tumble across the floor, and spin before us, to show us all she had learned.

And then came Jack, and honestly, as he grew and GREW, I thought, God, could this child that we worried about and prayed for truly become this healthy child, that might one day chase his brother and sister, that might one day play sports like his big brother? I remember talking to Him and telling Him how I would give anything just for my baby to be as healthy as he could be, and even if it meant constant doctors office visits, I would never complain, so long as I got to have my son here with me.

I got all of it. All of my dreams have come true. I have 3 loving, beautiful children, and the ideas I had for them as babies have come to fruition. Those things I had thought years ago are happening right before my eyes today!

My dreams really have come true.

The driving and running around can be exhausting, but I need to remind myself about the hopes I had for my children back when they were babies. I need to remember my blessings and instead of viewing these things as chores, I need to see them as what they are-- true gifts!

These moments are fleeting, and time passes before we are ready for it to. Rather than complain or allow myself to feel beaten, I need to remember the beauty and blessing in each moment with my children.

Like they say, I'll have plenty of time to rest later. Right now, I just need to be thankful.


Sugar and Spice said...

Hi, I just came across your blog and wanted to share my site with you since you have a cute little girl! Hope youll check it out! :)

Kelley said...

Beautful Shan


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