Three Years

It's 11:31pm  and I am sitting in bed holding back the tears.

Three years ago, at this exact time, I was a mess of stress and worry, uncertain of what would happen the following day. October 28th. The day when the doctors were to take my sweet baby boy from my belly. 

I was scared.

I know as Christians we ought not fear. I know that fear comes when my face is not pointed towards Him. I know, I know, I know that His plans are perfect, as is His timing.

But my human heart was being dragged down by the what-if's. My head was filled with the images and facts google returned when I searched my son's genetic condition. 

What should have been an exciting, anxious, and amazing night was not. I was terrified of not having a baby to hold in my arms the next afternoon.

The anxiety seemed to swirl around and build intensity within me through the night and the next morning. I tried to be normal and act normal. We dropped Tyler and Kaiti off at school. We saw friends who told us they were praying for our boy, who wished us luck, and who hugged us away. We held hands and prayed in the church parking lot before we drove to the hospital.

Then we arrived. More out loud praying, more silent praying. Praying when the nurses came to get the IV, praying when Jeremiah left to get suited up, praying when they went through what would happen when he was born. Praying when the NICU team came in to introduce themselves and tell me how it would go.

I prayed. I bit my bottom lip, I willed the tears away, and I prayed.

And then they wheeled me in, my husband gripped my hand tight and I closed my eyes. I silently spoke to my mom because I knew her angel wings had carried her into that room.  And then I asked God to protect my baby boy.

And He did. 

The doctors announced that he was close. Then he was born.

I asked Jeremiah if he was okay, and choking on joy, Jeremiah said "He is Perfect!"

I have never breathed so heavy in my entire life.

He still had to go to the NICU. He still had complications. His insides were all jumbled and it made things difficult. His heart still did it's own thing. 

But really, he was perfect.

And now this sweet boy is going to be THREE!

Every birthday, my heart goes back to that place. And then I fast forward to now. I remember each and every worry, and then I think about something ridiculous Jack did today. Today at the commissary, Jack went up to an older lady who was putting some bread in her shopping cart and Jack cocked his head and did that thing with his eyes where he can melt a grumpy grown man in 2.4 seconds. He pointed to her loaf of bread and said "I haff summa dat?"

I remember the fear, but I KNOW the laughter. I feel the joy he brings and I have the smile marks to prove I'm his mama. 

I am so thankful that God gave me this boy. The boy we were warned might not take a breath on earth is so bubbling with life, it spills over on to those around him.

 I tell you what, this boy is one of a kind! (inside and out) 

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! I am so thankful that God gave me you!

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If you're new around these parts, you can read about Jack HERE.