Monday's Prayer

I had a beautiful weekend with my family. The weather was great-a cool 72 degrees- the sun was shining, and we had NOTHING on the calendar. That last part is reason enough to celebrate. I love the weekends where the hours are ours to do what we want. Of course, this means mountains of laundry today, but that's alright. I've made my peace.

On Saturday and Sunday, we took the kids to the baseball field on base to play some ball. This is the first time in 4 seasons that Tyler has not played ball, and I feel badly about it. I just knew that with my husband gone and the twice weekly practices and weekend and weekday games, that it was too big a commitment to make with Evie being so small. 

Anyway, we are trying to keep with the sport and give Tyler time to hit and run so that meant the entire family (well, not Evie, of course) played some ball. We had such a great time. I wish I snapped some pictures :( The kids ran the bases, swung the bat, we cheered when someone made contact with the ball....and when we were done, we did kart-wheels in the grass and raced each other to the fence and back. 

But during all of this splendid fun, a clock was ticking in my head. Since my husband has been home, I've been very aware that the days we have as a family are limited. Today marks 47 days until he leaves again-- for a LOOONNNGGGG deployment. And having just come off of one, I know all too well what it is like living this life without him right now. Enter the clock.

Even when I am completely immersed in the happiness and excitement of life with my fanily, somewhere, quietly, that clock is ticking down the minutes. Until goodbye, again. 

Try as I might, I cannot get that clock to quiet. Yesterday, as I stood on 3rd base, holding my side as my lungs worked feverishly, trying to recover the air I spent trying to make it to 3rd base, I looked around. Happy, sunlit faces, my husband smiling with a ball in one hand and Evie wrapped lovingly in the other arm, her little face taking it all in. Kaiti's laughter, from seeing her mom run as fast as her legs would carry her while Daddy chased,  was bouncing around the field. Tyler stood, arms crossed, lip out, all huffy that Jeremiah did not tag me out and Jack using the bat like a golf club as he swung at I-don't-know-what. Complete joy.

And then that dang clock. Tick tick tick tick tick.

I wanted to scream,"I KNOWWWWWW, ALRIGHT?!?!? I GET IT. NOW HUSH IT AND BE GONE!!"

But I didn't. If I did, I might possibly be writing this post locked away in a stark padded room somewhere.

Instead, I prayed away the ticking.

I am praying right now that the clock quiets in all of our moments. That the ticking stops and I am not constantly reminded of the fast-approaching deployment. 

I want to be in the moment. I want to only feel the happy, only feel the warmth. I want the sorrow for what's to come to leave me for now-- I will feel it soon enough. I don't want to feel the need to bottle the joy and save it for days when he is not here. I just want to sit in the joy and let it seep into me. 

So I will keep praying and asking Him to help me keep my focus on the now. 

What are you praying for today?

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I did not take any pictures of us playing outside, because, well.....I was playing! But here is a picture of Little Miss Sweet trying some rice cereal for the first time.

"I'm not sure......gimme another bite, and then I'll decide."