Not ME! Monday

Seems like all I have time for these days are make-believe confessions and sharing stories of what could have been. And back to school has only added to the craziness around here! The kids and I were just going over our Summer Plans and sort of pouting about the end of summer. (I think I was a bit too ambitious when we made up our list, because we only got about 80% of it done-- having a baby turned out to be a little more of an event than I thought.)

So now we are in full school swing, and this year I have 2 kids in elementary school!!! A 1st Grader and a Kindergartner!! And thanks to all the running around, I've got enough material for the next couple Not Me's :)

As we pulled into the driveway after picking the big kids up from school, I did NOT look in the rearview mirror and notice something purple sticking out of my head. NOPE, folks, I certainly did NOT forget that I had stuck a pick in my hair because my husband broke my last hair clip, forgot about the pick only to drive through the car loop at school with a comb sticking out of my head.

Last Friday was a doozie for me! I spent the entire day counting the seconds 'til bedtime, because I had gotten barely 3 hours of sleep the night before. Surely, I was sleep-deprived from nursing an infant all night, right? Yep, that is exactly why! It certainly WASN'T because I got a new iPhone, and was busy playing with all the cool apps!!

I did NOT realize I was out of nursing pads while out running errands and feeling particularly full and decide that a cut in half feminine product would do the trick! (If I had done that, I'd also be surprised at how much of a 'boost' said feminine product provided.)

You know how they say that your feet grow with each pregnancy? (I'm not entirely sure who 'they' are, but 'they' do say it-- I've heard it.) Well, I am afraid that might be true. While at the mall this weekend, walking around in super cute flats, I did NOT briefly contemplate having my husband use his swiss army knife to cut out a hole in the front for my toes. NOPE! I would NEVER wear uncomfortable shoes just because they were cute, only to realize my mistake and demand that we mutilate the shoes or get a new pair from a nearby shoe store immediately!

And speaking of the mall, you know those kiosks they have in the middle of the aisle? While we were shopping, we passed by a kiosk that sold ceramic hair straighteners. And EVERY SINGLE TIME (three to be exact), a different salesperson approached me and my giant mop of curls to tell me all about how their straightener would work wonders on my hair. I smiled and remained my pleasant self, each and every time. Really. I promise, when the 3rd person came up to me imploring me to give their straightener a try, I smiled and said 'no, thank you'. I DID NOT SAY 'My hair's curly, and I'm okay with it, OKAY?!?!'

After purchasing sweet baby bows on etsy, I did not realize that they were simply tiny ribbons with no means of securing the bow to the baby's head. I thought they lady had come up with some inventive velcro or something that adhered to the baby's non-existent hair. Upon realizing that there was nothing that would keep the bow on Evie's head, I went back to her site to read more about how she got the bows to stay on. I was a little stunned at what I read, and surprised that the solution she recommended was available at my neighborhood Wal Greens. So, I called my husband and asked him to stop at Wal Greens on the way home from work. When he asked what I needed, I decided to mention the hair bow solution at the end, so not to startle him too much. It was NOT THIS MAMA who said, "We need some diet coke, baby shampoo, milk and KY Jelly."

Which mama was enjoying a couple of moments of silence this weekend, while her son emptied an entire container of vaseline into his hair? NOT ME!!!

Enjoy your NOT ME! Monday folks! Catch ya' later!!

Fear the silence

Rule #1 of parenting a toddler: toddlers are NOT quiet. If they are quiet for more than a minute, it's not good. 

Not good at all.

Yes, that is vaseline in his hands.

Notice the gobs of it on the top of his head.

He was running away from me, but since even his feet were coated with the stuff, he didn't have much luck.

This was brand new and full.

It's not anymore.

Now I'm off to google humane ways to remove 378 oz of vaseline from a child's hair. Have a nice day.

**UPDATE-- After an extensive google search, I found that corn starch is the safest way to remove vaseline-gunk from baby hair. After about a dozen corn starch shampoos, Jack's hair is almost back to normal.

Not Me Monday!!

Just another manic monday. And what better day to poke fun at myself for some of things I've done  I could have done over the past several days. Here goes it....

At about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I was beat tired and my mind was starting to go. That's about the moment my sweet Kait asked if I would play hide-and-seek with her. I was in the process of folding laundry with Evie in the Moby, while trying to keep an eye on Jack with the crayons (I learned from this incident and this one!), but it's hard to say no to her pretty little face. So, I counted to twenty while she hid, said ready or not, here I come. Then the phone rang. Then Evie had a blow-out. Then Evie spit-up on her fresh clothes. You see where this is going, right? It was NOT THIS MAMA who remembered the game of hide-and-seek fifteen minutes later, went to find my daughter, and discovered she had fallen asleep in her hiding spot in my closet. - Seriously, I should be committed. Okay, not seriously.

While playing cards with my husband and some other anonymous family members, Evie started to fuss, letting me know she was hungry. I scooped her up and reached into my shirt to unhook the clasp of my nursing bra. Anonymous family member sees me doing this (as this person has seen me do with my other 3 children) and says 'Sheesh, Shannon, my gosh, do we all need to see this??' I kept my cool and shrugged it off. Really. That is EXACTLY what I did. I DID NOT say this: 'Um, first of all, I am in the privacy of my own house, and I am getting a cover, but even if neither of those things were true it wouldn't matter!! I am feeding my child and there is nothing more natural than that. If it bother's you, DON'T LOOK AT ME!' NO WAY people!!! I would NEVER lose my cool like that. (If I had, I bet there would be other factors leading to the melt down.)

Who is the lady who's been walking around for a few days smelling of her husband's Old Spice High Endurance because she's fresh out of her Secret? NOT ME!!

On a Friday night a couple weeks ago, we decided to go out to dinner as a family. We got to the restaurant and as we were walking, saw that the parking lot looked pretty full. Just as we got close to the door, an SUV rockets up to the curb, the door flies open, and out jumps a woman in a full-on sprint towards the front door. It was clear what she was doing--- she wanted to beat the family of 6 on the list. This was made clear as she nearly knocked my son over in an attempt to get through the door ahead of us. Slightly annoyed, we walked in, put our name on the list, and waited. Divine justice was rendered when as we are sitting next to the woman and her family in the waiting area, the hostess calls 'Shannon, party of 6.' Well, getting up and walking to our table and leaving that rude woman (&family) behind in the waiting area was satisfaction enough. I promise, it certainly was NOT ME who said 'Ha-Ha' as we walked past her towards our table. I am much too mature to do a thing like that.

I've been listening to my iTunes while typing this little post and guess what song has been on repeat for about 15 minutes? Well, it's NOT 'Toy Soldiers' by Martika, circa 1989! I'm way too cool to have that song in my library and be singing it so loud my kids ask me to be quiet. I am.

Regardless of how tired I am or how full my hands are right now, when I see a special moment taking place, I make an effort to get my camera to capture it. I am NOT so lazy that I resort to the camera on my computer to capture sweet family memories. NOT ME!

Happy Monday folks!!

Outta the mouths of mamas......

Oh, the things we say in the ordinary course of parenting little ones. Nothing really surprises me anymore, but at least when I say something, I make a mental note to add it to a post. And to think, I only have 2 right now that are really talking.....pretty soon, my material for the 'outta the mouths of mamas' post will double!!! How exciting :)

Without further adieu.........


"Please don't put your feet on her head. No, I don't think she likes being massaged with your toes, so take them off."


"Take that off of you right now! Buddy, no matter how high you crank that thing, you are NOT going to be able to get any milk out. Leave the milk production to me, please."


"Honey, I know you've had a bad day, but unless you have cleaned both vomit and poop off a bathroom floor, I think I win the bad-day contest."


"Of course I would love you if you had pink eyes......I just might not be able to look directly at you. But I'd still love you."


"I think it's great that you know so much about sharks, but could you please tell me all these facts when we leave the beach." -- 5 minutes later--- "Yeah, that same request goes for jellyfish."


"No, I am not from China. I was born in North Carolina. North Carolina is not in China. Why do you think I am from China? Oh. Well, I'm not. Sure, you can call Grandpa, but he is just going to tell you what I did."


"We've talked about this before. When I am on the phone, please don't run up and start yelling things at me.....especially about your bottom hurting, and especially when I am on the phone with my boss."


"Spell what? Did you say 'hollaback'? Why do you want me to spell Hollaback? Umm, you need to ask before you take Daddy's laptop and play with his iTunes."


"No, I don't think she looks 'a little weird.' Well, I think she would look a lot weirder if she DID have a mouth full of teeth."


"Honey, I love you to the moon and back, but if you have to spend 30 minutes explaining to me why your joke was funny, you probably missed the mark...."




"I guess I will just have to thaw you out when we get home then, because it's 100 degrees outside and there is NO WAY I am turning on the heater!!"


"{whispering} Kaitlin Ashleigh, please unplug your nose right now and never again say 'pee-yew' when we walk past someone. Kait, even if that man did smell like sour cheese, it is not nice to say that out loud for him to hear. I have no idea why he smells like that, can we please move on?"



------some pictures from my sister's visit, just for kicks-----

the wee hours with the wee one

Last night, as I lay snuggled up next to my girl, I felt fascinated.

Her little grunts and whimpers. Her sucking motion, with her bottom lip tucked in, searching for something to grab a hold of.

Her flailing arms, searching out something within her reach.

When all is quiet and I am woken by her sweet but urgent noises, letting me know she is ready to be fed, it is just her and I.

My sweet Everleigh. Her eyes wide as she locks onto me, they grow even wider when I pull her against my chest. Our shared warmth, her soft skin like silk against mine.

She nuzzles in and starts to eat, occasionally making a satisfied purr as she gulps down milk. Her breathing slows, her noises quiet as her belly starts to fill up, and her eyelids relax. Pure satisfaction.

Right now, in these precious days when she is fresh and new, I am all that she needs.

And that is the most amazing feeling.