Not ME! Monday

Seems like all I have time for these days are make-believe confessions and sharing stories of what could have been. And back to school has only added to the craziness around here! The kids and I were just going over our Summer Plans and sort of pouting about the end of summer. (I think I was a bit too ambitious when we made up our list, because we only got about 80% of it done-- having a baby turned out to be a little more of an event than I thought.)

So now we are in full school swing, and this year I have 2 kids in elementary school!!! A 1st Grader and a Kindergartner!! And thanks to all the running around, I've got enough material for the next couple Not Me's :)

As we pulled into the driveway after picking the big kids up from school, I did NOT look in the rearview mirror and notice something purple sticking out of my head. NOPE, folks, I certainly did NOT forget that I had stuck a pick in my hair because my husband broke my last hair clip, forgot about the pick only to drive through the car loop at school with a comb sticking out of my head.

Last Friday was a doozie for me! I spent the entire day counting the seconds 'til bedtime, because I had gotten barely 3 hours of sleep the night before. Surely, I was sleep-deprived from nursing an infant all night, right? Yep, that is exactly why! It certainly WASN'T because I got a new iPhone, and was busy playing with all the cool apps!!

I did NOT realize I was out of nursing pads while out running errands and feeling particularly full and decide that a cut in half feminine product would do the trick! (If I had done that, I'd also be surprised at how much of a 'boost' said feminine product provided.)

You know how they say that your feet grow with each pregnancy? (I'm not entirely sure who 'they' are, but 'they' do say it-- I've heard it.) Well, I am afraid that might be true. While at the mall this weekend, walking around in super cute flats, I did NOT briefly contemplate having my husband use his swiss army knife to cut out a hole in the front for my toes. NOPE! I would NEVER wear uncomfortable shoes just because they were cute, only to realize my mistake and demand that we mutilate the shoes or get a new pair from a nearby shoe store immediately!

And speaking of the mall, you know those kiosks they have in the middle of the aisle? While we were shopping, we passed by a kiosk that sold ceramic hair straighteners. And EVERY SINGLE TIME (three to be exact), a different salesperson approached me and my giant mop of curls to tell me all about how their straightener would work wonders on my hair. I smiled and remained my pleasant self, each and every time. Really. I promise, when the 3rd person came up to me imploring me to give their straightener a try, I smiled and said 'no, thank you'. I DID NOT SAY 'My hair's curly, and I'm okay with it, OKAY?!?!'

After purchasing sweet baby bows on etsy, I did not realize that they were simply tiny ribbons with no means of securing the bow to the baby's head. I thought they lady had come up with some inventive velcro or something that adhered to the baby's non-existent hair. Upon realizing that there was nothing that would keep the bow on Evie's head, I went back to her site to read more about how she got the bows to stay on. I was a little stunned at what I read, and surprised that the solution she recommended was available at my neighborhood Wal Greens. So, I called my husband and asked him to stop at Wal Greens on the way home from work. When he asked what I needed, I decided to mention the hair bow solution at the end, so not to startle him too much. It was NOT THIS MAMA who said, "We need some diet coke, baby shampoo, milk and KY Jelly."

Which mama was enjoying a couple of moments of silence this weekend, while her son emptied an entire container of vaseline into his hair? NOT ME!!!

Enjoy your NOT ME! Monday folks! Catch ya' later!!