NOT ME! MONDAY!!!!

I think it's been a couple weeks since I've done a Not ME! post....but trust me, it is not for lack of those Not Me! moments. My husband was gone for a while and I felt like it took everything- AND I MEAN EVERYTHING- I had to keep it together and maintain life while he was away. We definitely share in the responsibilities, but more than that, I always feel so much more capable when he is home. When he's gone, I definitely feel like a fish out of water. So much for the 'liberated' and independent Shannon I think am.

About those NOT ME! moments.....

While my husband was away, I spent every second loving and nurturing my children, and teaching them important life lessons. Very important, knowledge-fostering, character-building lessons. I certainly did NOT teach my 19 month old son how to fetch a clean diaper and a hand full of wipes when I asked him if he needed to be changed. And I was NOT so impressed with myself that upon my husband's return, I said 'Hey, look what I taught Jack Jack!!!!' And less than 24 hours after his return, my husband did NOT beam with pride when he taught Jack the last step of that process-- how to take his own dirty diaper out of the room and throw it in the garage!

Last week I had to take all 3 kids with me to my OB appointment. I was hoping to be in and out and have Tyler back to school in no time....I had to take him with me because I didn't have anyone who could drive him and had I dropped him off, the poor kid would have been more than 30 min early. Unfortunately my best laid plans were thrown when my OB detected something during the doppler. She sent me- and my 3- upstairs to L & D to get some things done. It was a very long, very tough, very crazy making 4 hours as I laid there, stuck in the bed, as my 3 kids were free to roam about. I can assure you that I held it together, even as Jack was opening the can of medical waste, Kaiti knocked the stroller into the monitor that set it off because she inadvertently unplugged it, and Tyler walked out to the Nurse's station to request goldfish and sweet tea. It was NOT me who started crying like 3-year-old in front of my kids, while shrieking 'I NEED DADDY!!!!'

Yesterday, we made a quick trip to Target. It was raining outside, so my husband was kind enough to let me and big kids out in front. I took Tyler and Kaiti into the women's restroom while we were waiting for Jeremiah and Jack-- a pregnant bladder can ALWAYS be relieved. The bathroom was full, so I walked into a stall and told the kids to wait at the sink for me. While I am in the restroom, the following conversation most definitely did NOT occur.

T: Hey, Mom, can I have a quarter please?
Me: Why do you need a quarter?
T: Because they have a game out here you can play, but you need a quarter.
Me: Um, I don't think that's a game honey.
T: Yes, it is, I can see it, and it has prizes.
Me: Tyler, trust me buddy, that is not a prize you want to win.
-- snickers now from the other stalls-
T: Yes, I do want to win one. I've never played this before.
Me: Tyler, that 'prize' is really just for women.
T: Well, what is it?
Me: It's just something that women are concerned with, not boys.
T: Well, I'll give it to my sister. Or let you use it.

Finally, last Wednesday proved to be a hump day that felt more like a mountain I need to climb! It did NOT begin with me being jolted from sleep, definitely aware of how rested I was, with a quick glance over at the alarm clock to see that it was not on. Our lab sometimes lays in the spot where the cord is, pulling it out of the socket and rendering my alarm clock useless. All this created another check in the Tardy column for Tyler. When we got home, I decided to pull some chicken from the freezer to make chicken caesar salad for dinner. (If you know me well, you know this is a VERY BIG DEAL. Cooking chicken makes me nervous, and when my husband is gone, my kids tend to suffer from poultry deficiency.) As I was walking from the garage freezer to the kitchen, I felt a liquid dripping down my leg. Well, it was NOT the dang chicken juice leaking from the package and creating a nasty, killer trail that spanned the length of my home. NO WAY!! Freaked out and ready to toss my cookies, I quickly grabbed the mop and Pine Sol (which, by the way, happens to have a smell that sets my hormones a blazing- but that is a topic for another day) and quickly mopped up the trail of the deadly juice! Yes, it is deadly. Well, fine,  I'm not 100% on that, but still. Have I mentioned how freaked out I am by chicken? Anyway, after less than a minute of mopping my tile, I heard the phone ringing and rushed to grab it. Of course, I remembered that the floors were wet and slick with water and Pine Sol.....so I did NOT step on the floor, have both feet go out from under me, and come down very hard on my backside, causing both a seriously bruised tush and ego. What little sense of power and competence I was still clinging to at that point went right out the window.

don't even get me started on this aphrodisiac in a 28 ounce bottle.....good stuff!!