Saturday, September 4, 2010

Blame- it's the right thing to do!

This week was a tough one. It kind of felt like September walked up to me in a brightly lit grocery store filled with easy listening music and happy-go-lucky shoppers , tapped me on the shoulder, made sure it was me, and then punched my square in the nose. And smiled when I went down.  That's pretty much how it felt. I don't think September likes me.

Let me just tell you- it was a doozie. And I feel like the best way to address this is to hand out the blame. Didn't you know, that is the healthiest thing to do? Blame those who are responsible for your upset. Trust me- once you start pointing the finger, you won't need to walk around counting slowly, taking deep cleansing breaths to avoid a mental break.

.....one, two, three, four five.......

So I blame......

- The high-ups in the Navy who really want the world to think the US Military are just friendly young boys standing by to help. While I believe that is the truth, it is pointless to try and convince the rest of the world of our 'good intentions.' So the 'joint warrior' mission my husband is preparing to deploy on- complete hogwash, in my book. Can't he just pick up trash at home or something? Or recycle? Or help a stranded motorist-- because he just did that at Publix the other day. Doesn't that count, darn it?

-- E-harmony. If you know me, you know why.

---The folks at M & M candy factory. Why on earth did you put a dang pretzel inside your candy? Didn't you know I would eat the heck out of 'em and defeat all the weight I had lost after giving birth to Evie. I was on a roll, but now- thanks to you- I have a roll-- lots of 'em, actually.

----The 7-year-old kid in my son's class who passed on his germs. Yeah, you kid. I know you're reading my blog and coughing all over the stinkin' place. Thanks so much for sharing your sickness. Boy, if you've got a funky cough and your shirt sleeve is soaked with your snot, KEEP YO GERMY SELF AT HOME. YOU READ ME??

----- The folks with the pooch who live down the street from me and left me a little 'gift' in my grass. If the lady at the tax collector's office didn't completely trash my good mood, you, Miss Funky-Poop-Leaver-Outer, totally DID! I'm half tempted to collect my 2 littles ones dirty diapers and repay the favor by sprinkling them all over your lawn. I KNOW where you live. Oh yeah! I do! You get one free pass, lady. But next time....next time,  I better see a big ol' bag in your hand or a diaper strapped firmly to your dog's butt, OR ELSE. Don't think I won't do it. Situations like this are precisely why God invented night.

------My daughters bowels. Is there a reason you are not doing your thing? Do you really want to hold on to THAT?? For the love of all that is good and Holy, please, I implore you- RELEASE!!!! RELEASE!!! Just...let....it....gooooooooo! Please, Mrs. Bowels. Trust me, it really is for the best. Your friend up north, Mr. Ears, totally agrees. RELEASE!!!

six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ahhh........back to my happy place. Blame- it does a body good.

4 comments:

Kelley said...

I am cracking up. One of my favorite blogs you've ever written. The M&M one had me running to the bathroom to tinkle I was laughing so hard...how is that for a visual??? Love you!

Parsons family said...

Just so you know...I think that you are hysterical. I admire that you can take a not so great situation and make it humorous.
I am here... not to far away... if you need some help while Jeremiah is gone. Even if you just need someone to vent to. It will be a good excuse to get the boys together!
Good luck. let me know if there is anything I can do!

Parsons family said...

Just so you know...I think that you are hysterical. I admire that you can take a not so great situation and make it humorous.
I am here... not to far away... if you need some help while Jeremiah is gone. Even if you just need someone to vent to. It will be a good excuse to get the boys together!
Good luck. let me know if there is anything I can do!

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.pi7.ru/zdorove/1707-televizor-ugrozhaet-zdorovyu-malyshey.html ]Смешные пародии [/url]
Молчание - моя вечная проблема. В компаниях меня не слышно, я не люблю говорить и стесняюсь. Я очень закрытый в себе человек, друзей у меня очень мало. Есть возлюбленный мужчина, скоро бракохитросоединение, а кинулась приглашать на свадьбу - буквально некого... Бывшие подруги буквально все " не могут" и "заняты" Девушка я молодая и привлекательная, с неплохим воспитанием, университет завершила с отличием. А работу все сыскать не могу - наверно кидается в глаза моя неуверенность. Для меня молчание не золото, а наказание. Кто смог пересилить себя и стать больше открытым? Может есть такой метод? Избавиться от зажатости и скованности, стать больше общительной и перестать бояться людей? Наверно это социофобия:( Спасибо за ответы по теме.

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